Emotions and Mugs

I've got a broken cup ☕

Specifically my Gustav Klimt mug 😞

My first thoughts have been along the lines of:

❌ "You could have taken more care when washing it" (it broke while washing it)
❌ "You're clumsy"
❌ "You shouldn't have brought yourself to the office" (I've had it here for a couple of years now)

Wow, love my inner self right now 🙄

👩🏻‍🔬 Quickly my inner scientist (this being that we all have and I nurture a lot in my patients) told me:

✔ "You wash it every day because you use it every day"
✔ "Accidents happen even if you're careful"
✔ "Save wouldn't have broken but you wouldn't have enjoyed it"
✔ "You have it in the office because you love it and enjoying the things you like is one of your maxims in life"

Well, here we walk, identifying and managing emotions until these "simple" moments.

And if emotional intelligence helps so much at the moment, imagine if it will help interacting with people 😂​​

Pygmalion effect

It seems totally logical to store past situations and their consequences in our memory to use them as learning in similar future circumstances. It saves us a lot of mental work: we intuit what to expect from the situation, what is going to happen.

The difficulty comes when we anticipate consequences in a very certain way and without a realistic basis. This would be a rough definition of the perceptual bias that we know as self-fulfilling prophecy. Which is usually closely associated with another known as confirmation bias (yes, there are a lot!), which is about paying more attention to those elements that confirm our theory of what is going to happen.

Imagine that in a week you have to give a speech to 100 people (a threatening situation for a large part of the population). You are convinced that your voice will shake, you will sweat, you will stutter... you anticipate an unpleasant result. These thoughts will generate so much insecurity that you may block yourself and not rehearse enough. You may consider that rehearsing more will not change that disastrous result. Perhaps the expectation of failure will make you feel so nervous that, in fact, the situation will be as expected (self-fulfilling prophecy). You may even give a great speech and remember more of that little throat clearing at the beginning or that negligible hesitation at the end (confirmation bias).

A well-known form of self-fulfilling prophecy is the so-called Pygmalion effect. In this case we focus on expectations towards others.

It is very easily explained associated with the educational field. Let's take as an example a teacher who thinks that a student is more intelligent. Without being aware of it, she devotes more attention to him, she challenges him with more complex exercises and, indeed, the student learns more and obtains better results. We could also apply it to a negative expectation regarding another student. That is, the teacher's expectations influence the students' performance.

There are many examples:

Economy: What would happen if a rumor spread that a company was going bankrupt? If we are shareholders, we will sell our shares and their price will fall, effectively leading to bankruptcy.

We also find examples of this bias on the big screen. The first one that comes to mind is the outcome of Anakin Skywalker's relationship with Padmé Amidala in Star Wars (I'm just saying that there are few things uglier than a spoiler📽️)

And we don't get anything positive from this? Of course, as if you didn't know me!

The most positive side of this effect is that positive anticipation can be trained: thinking that we will pass that exam, visualizing ourselves giving a speech in a calm manner... And since humans love to name everything, this is known as the Galatea effect.

And how can I implement it?

Generate within you a little scientist👩‍🔬: Look at those prophecies that have not been fulfilled. Or if they have been fulfilled, have you looked at all the facts? Perhaps you highlight more the importance of those who confirm your theory. This is about being honest!

How important it seems to have faith in yourself now, right? You have to work hard, obviously, but it helps to know that believing you can make it more likely that it will happen.

Can you think of more references from stories (books, movies, series...) that exemplify the Pygmalion effect?

If you want more information on the topic, I recommend:

Of Neuroplasticity and Forests

“He has a lot of character” “She's a jealous person” “He's always late” “She can't help behaving like this” “Accept it, it's just the way I am” “I didn't expect this from you” “I'm like that "

Do they sound like you? I'm sure you've heard them more than once. Maybe you even said something about the style. And it's logical! It is very common to consider that the way we act is defined by our personality, way of being, character... the name is the least important, the important thing is to consider the following. Can I actively choose to behave in a certain way? Do I choose what I feel, think or do? After all, do I have control over my own well-being?

The answer is yes. But what is the first step?

Without a doubt, the key to change begins with self-awareness.

Let's say your back hurts and you decide to go to the physiotherapist. After a medical examination, he explains that your sitting posture is not the most suitable. He recommends that, the next time you sit, you focus on the posture you need to correct and, in its place, position yourself differently.

It will be a nuisance at first but little by little you will accustom your body, actively, to sitting in a healthier way until, most of the time, you sit in the new position almost without thinking, until whatever becomes your new habit. But why are these small changes so difficult? What happens at the brain level?

Imagine your brain is a forest. There are paths that you have traveled many times, they are well-known, easy, so they are very well defined. They are wide and comfortable dirt roads where there is no vegetation left and on which it is very easy to walk. You walk by them without realizing it, automatically.

Creating another path (new habits) is difficult. You'll have to get out the machete and cut some vines, but with each new step, with each new clearing, the next one will be easier. Little by little there will be less vegetation and we will see more sand. Each time we go through it we will make it wider and easier to travel.

But this is not all! Furthermore, every time we actively choose the new path we are not choosing the old one. And on this dirt road that was so familiar to us but no longer felt good to us, vegetation is starting to emerge.

Something like that would be neuroplasticity: our brain, with each learning, changes structurally. The neural pathways we use the most become more stable, wider and faster. But if we stop using them by generating new ones, the old ones weaken and may even disappear. Isn't it beautiful?

Just as modifying a small posture improves our back, we can extrapolate this example to other behaviors or thoughts that are not sitting well for us and we want to change, reduce or replace them with others: learn to communicate more effectively, to be less jealous, more punctual, more sociable...

The machete that has come in handy in the forest is nothing more than this tool that we learned in therapy and helps us with clearing.

Self-knowledge, then, gives us the ability to generate new changes. Everything is learned, to change too!

Now, stop and reflect: if "being" in a certain way does not sit well with you or prevents you from moving forward, if you do not have enough tools to open new paths, it is time to ask for help from health professionals and put - the work together.

To clear out!

If you want more information on the topic, I recommend:

Online Therapy

What is it?

Online therapy provides psychological care similar to in-person therapy but through video conferencing.

Who is it directed to?

It is aimed at any person and, moreover, it is very practical for those people who, due to certain circumstances (reduced mobility, agoraphobia, social anxiety, residence in another autonomous community or abroad, travel...) cannot personally attend the specialist consultation.

Advantages:

Unless you can move around, it is a service with lower costs and more flexible hours. It also allows patients who have completed part of the therapy in person to continue both if they change residence, travel or for any other reason.

How does it work?

The appointment is required by any other means (phone, email or click here). We will agree on the day and time for the session using Skype or another platform if not available.

How is it paid?

The session will be paid by bank transfer. When you reserve the appointment and I will provide you with a confirmation and assumption number that you must specify.

What do I need?

 

You will only need a good internet connection and a quiet area that will allow the session without interruptions.