“He has a lot of character” “She's a jealous person” “He's always late” “She can't help behaving like this” “Accept it, it's just the way I am” “I didn't expect this from you” “I'm like that "
Do they sound like you? I'm sure you've heard them more than once. Maybe you even said something about the style. And it's logical! It is very common to consider that the way we act is defined by our personality, way of being, character... the name is the least important, the important thing is to consider the following. Can I actively choose to behave in a certain way? Do I choose what I feel, think or do? After all, do I have control over my own well-being?
The answer is yes. But what is the first step?
Without a doubt, the key to change begins with self-awareness.
Let's say your back hurts and you decide to go to the physiotherapist. After a medical examination, he explains that your sitting posture is not the most suitable. He recommends that, the next time you sit, you focus on the posture you need to correct and, in its place, position yourself differently.
It will be a nuisance at first but little by little you will accustom your body, actively, to sitting in a healthier way until, most of the time, you sit in the new position almost without thinking, until whatever becomes your new habit. But why are these small changes so difficult? What happens at the brain level?
Imagine your brain is a forest. There are paths that you have traveled many times, they are well-known, easy, so they are very well defined. They are wide and comfortable dirt roads where there is no vegetation left and on which it is very easy to walk. You walk by them without realizing it, automatically.
Creating another path (new habits) is difficult. You'll have to get out the machete and cut some vines, but with each new step, with each new clearing, the next one will be easier. Little by little there will be less vegetation and we will see more sand. Each time we go through it we will make it wider and easier to travel.
But this is not all! Furthermore, every time we actively choose the new path we are not choosing the old one. And on this dirt road that was so familiar to us but no longer felt good to us, vegetation is starting to emerge.
Something like that would be neuroplasticity: our brain, with each learning, changes structurally. The neural pathways we use the most become more stable, wider and faster. But if we stop using them by generating new ones, the old ones weaken and may even disappear. Isn't it beautiful?
Just as modifying a small posture improves our back, we can extrapolate this example to other behaviors or thoughts that are not sitting well for us and we want to change, reduce or replace them with others: learn to communicate more effectively, to be less jealous, more punctual, more sociable...
The machete that has come in handy in the forest is nothing more than this tool that we learned in therapy and helps us with clearing.
Self-knowledge, then, gives us the ability to generate new changes. Everything is learned, to change too!
Now, stop and reflect: if "being" in a certain way does not sit well with you or prevents you from moving forward, if you do not have enough tools to open new paths, it is time to ask for help from health professionals and put - the work together.
To clear out!
If you want more information on the topic, I recommend:
- Interview with Sandra Jurado, researcher at the Alicante Neuroscience Institute
- Historical review of the concept of neuroplasticity
- And, if you click on these sentences, you will be able to learn the story of Viktor Frankl, author of the same, from the association that bears his name: "When we are no longer able to change a situation we are faced with the challenge of changing ourselves"